How to support people through addiction while taking care of yourself

Carlos Sanson Jr. is an Australian actor and mental health advocate who wants to help people understand how to support friends and family with substance use disorders.

Sanson recently supported someone he cares about deeply through years of addiction. While he feels that person’s story isn’t his to share, he does want to share what he learned about how to support loved ones without enabling them.

"It's hard to know how and when to help, especially when people seem completely fine," Sanson said.

Daily movement — whether he’s training as a competitive boxer or taking a stroll beside the sea — is a key part of Sanson’s self-care routine. Sanson (pictured above) is passionate about helping people prioritize their mental health. 

One crucial thing he learned is that he couldn't "fix" someone else's addiction.

A friend who’d had a similar experience helped Sanson understand that a loved one's addiction isn't his responsibility. It felt like a breakthrough when he realized his role was simply to listen and create a safe space for connection.

"If I’d had this mindset from the start, it might have reduced the stress that severely affected my health," he said.

Sanson recently had the opportunity to discuss addiction with Sarah Leitz, MD, Kaiser Permanente’s national leader for harm reduction and addiction medicine.

Here are some of her answers to his questions.

Is addiction a disease? 

Yes, addiction is a treatable, ongoing medical disease. It involves complex interactions between a person’s environment and their genetics, their brain, and their experiences.

Can addiction be inherited? How do our genes affect addiction?

The interaction between your genes and your environment can influence whether you develop a substance use disorder.

If you have a family member with a substance use disorder, you’re more likely to develop it too.

Other factors include tough times during childhood, early exposure to addictive substances, and ongoing physical or mental health conditions.

Do early experiences, like childhood trauma, contribute to addiction?

Research shows that people who go through tough times as kids are more likely to have health problems, including substance use disorders. These childhood challenges are called adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs.

When we support families and communities and provide them with skills, resources, education, and coping strategies, we can catch substance use disorders early and even prevent them from occurring.

This is how we can help break the cycle before it leads to serious health issues. We want to make sure substances never feel like the only answer to life's challenges.

How important is the language we use when we talk about addiction?

The words we use are very important. They can help people understand that a substance use disorder isn’t a character flaw. It’s a medical condition that can be treated.

The right words can help people feel hopeful. And respectful language can help reduce the stigma people feel. Many people don't seek help because they feel ashamed.

For example, if we say someone is “clean,” it implies they used to be “dirty.” It’s better to say they’re “in recovery.”

And instead of calling someone a “drug abuser” or an “addict,” it can be more helpful if we say, “someone who’s using a substance.”

By using more compassionate language, we can describe the person’s situation accurately without being judgmental.

How do we set healthy boundaries while being supportive?

It's important to create and keep boundaries with clear consequences. This helps people understand how their substance use affects themselves and others.

While it’s natural to want to help or push for change, lasting recovery rarely results from ultimatums or outside pressure. It usually begins when someone feels supported and ready to change.

How can we prioritize self-care while supporting a loved one?

Having a family member with a substance use disorder can be tough. The first thing to remember is to take care of yourself. This means getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and doing things you enjoy.

Talking to a therapist can also help. Therapists can teach you skills and strategies to set boundaries. Support groups like Al-Anon can also help families and loved ones.

Remember, the person with the addiction needs to do the work themselves to find their recovery.

Learn more about mental health and addiction care at Kaiser Permanente.